Dambanang Dalanginan
Noong araw, hindi pa naman masyadong katagalan ay may tatlong magkakaibigan na nagpunta sa kabundukan ng Bundok ng Makiling upang mangaso. Isang Maneleño, isang Ilokono, at isang Batangueño.Sa paghahanap nila ng mababaril na usa at baboy-damo ay napasulangot sila sa
isang tribo ng mga katutubo. Sila ay hinuli at iniharap sa pinaka-hari
ng tribu. At dahil sa sila'y mga dayo at ang akala'y mga kalaban ng tribu, sila'y hahatulan ng kamatayan sa pamamagitan ng pagpugot ng kanilang ulo kung hindi masisiyahan ang napakagandang anak ng hari sa kanilang mga isasagot sa anumang itatanong sa kanila ng prinsesa.
Unang tinanong ang Manileño..
Prinsesa : "Anong tawag mo rito? Sabay turo sa pisngi ng prinsesa.
Manileño : "Mahal na princesa ang tawag po namin diyan ay 'Pisngi'".
Hindi nasiyahan ang prinsesa kaya pinugutan ng ulo si Manileño.
Sumunod na tinanong ang Ilokano ...
Prinsesa: "Ikaw ginoo, anong tawag mo rito? Sabay turo sa mukha.
Ilokano: "Mukha" po mahal na prinsesa ang tawag po namin diyan".
Hindi rin nasiyahan ang prinsesa. Pugot ulo rin si Ilokano.
Takot na takot na si Batangueño pero sumagot siya nang tanungin ng
prinsesa ...
Prinsesa: "Ikaw ginoo, anong tawag mo rito?" Sabay turo sa noo.
Batangueño: "Ang tawag po namin diyan sa Batangas mahal na Princesa ay
"dambana ng tuwa, galak at pag-galang".
Princesa: "Ipaliwanag mo ang iyong kasagutan, ginoo".
Batangueño: "Dahil po sa amin po pag kami ay natuwa, nagalak o kaya ay gumalang,
kami po ay humahalik diyan".
Prinsesa: Sabay turo sa dibdib/suso "anong tawag mo rito?"
Batangueño: "Mahal na prinsesa, ang tawag po namin diyan ay "bukal ng buhay at
kalusugan,dahil diyan po umiinom ang mga bata upang mabuhay at maging
malusog".
Prinsesa: Sabay turo sa bandang sikmura/tiyan, "anong tawag mo rito?"
Batangueño: "Bartolina po naman ang tawag namin diyan, dahil siyam na buwan nakukulong ang aming mga anak diyan bago isilang"
Prinsesa: "Anong tawag mo rito? Sabay taas ng palda at itinuro ang ari
na walang suot na panty (walang panti, ay hindi pa uso noon eh).
Batangueño: (Nang makita ng Batangueño ang ginawa ng Prinsesa, siya'y napaluhod at sabay antada ng krus sabay sabi) Mahal na Prinsesa, ang tawag po
namin diyan ay "DAMBANA NG DALANGINAN" dahil diyan po namin itinitirik ang
aming mga kandila! (sabay bulong sa sarili)
Eh eh, ay kainamang prinsesa are... ay walang buhok eh.... klasi'ng lugon....
Nasiyahan ng husto ang Prinsesa sa mga sagot ng Batangueño kaya pinalaya niya ito at hiniling na maging asawa.
This is a story of our own... to all Batangueño all over the world, only you can be judge of this. We already know that when it comes to short gag story, we have a lot. What ever other Tagalog speaking people do, we Batangueño have our own and unique style of making people laughed... am I right?
Altar of Prayer
Long time ago, but not so long... there are three friends went for hunting in Mount Makiling. One of them is Manila boy, one is Ilocano and one is Batangueño. While seeking for wild boars and deer, they unintentionally found a very cruel tribe and they were captured and presented to the king. And because they visited their place without being invited, they suspected them that they are enemies of the tribe, so they are condemn to death by cutting their head if the beautiful daughter of the king did not enjoy to all the answer that she will going to ask to each of them.
The princess ask first the Manila boy.
Princess: What do you call this? (As she pointed to her cheek.)
Manila Boy: Your most highness, my dear Princess, we called that in our place "pisngi" (cheek).
But the princess didn't enjoy for the answer so she decide to beheaded the Manila boy. The next question goes to Ilocano.
Princess: What do you call this? (As she pointed to her face.)
Ilocano: Your most highness, my dear Princess, we call it "mukha" (face) in our place.
But as still the princess didn't enjoy for the answer of the Ilocano so she decidec to cut his head. The Batangueño is so afraid that even his body is shaking but he need to answer the question of the princess.
Princess: You, mister.... what do you call this? (as she pointed to her forehead)
Batangueño: Your most highness, my dear princess, we call that in our place the "shrine of excitement, joy and reverence".
Princess: Please explain to me your answer mister...
Batangueño: Because in our place, we are grown of the teaching by our parents that when we are enjoy and excite we kiss in the forehead as respect to a person.
Princess: ( as she pointed to her breast) What do you call this?
Batangueño: My dear Princess, we called it "source of life and health" because from this all the children are drinking to live and have good health.
Princess: (as she become more interested to what the Batangueño will answer to her answer ask more another question) What do you call this? (as she pointing to her stomach)
Batangueño: My dear Princess, we called it "dungeon" in our place because for nine months we imprisoned our child there before they will born.
The princess become more interested to him and ask one last question.
Princess: This is the my last question.... what do you call this? (as she pointed to her reproductive organ)
As he saw of what the princess did, he knelled down and do the sign of the cross.
Batangueño: My dear Princess, we called it in our place 'THE ALTAR OF PRAYER" because in "there" we are putting our "candle".
And the princess enjoyed to all the answered that she heard from Batangueño and she freed him and ask him to be her husband.
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